In the last two years, I have been in and out of relationships. It’s not like I’m trying to count how many girlfriends I can get in a specific period of time, nor was I trying to be a jerk. It’s just that things didn’t work out right.
But even though my past relationships with these women failed and didn’t last, I got something out of it. I learned a few things or let me say lessons that every guy should remember whenever they enter a relationship. So let me share with you guys a few do’s and dont’s that you should know so that you could apply it to your life and relationships as well.
1. Always keep in touch with your girlfriend
This is probably one of the main reasons for my past breakups. I admit I’m not the type of guy who is fond of texting my location and whereabouts. It’s not that I’m cheating on her. It’s just that I’m too lazy to text and the difficulty of typing texts in touchscreen phones these days just got me lazier. Such a lame excuse right?
My advice: After realizing my own mistake, it is now clearer to me than ever that you should always text or call your girlfriend from time to time. Tell her what you are doing, ask her how she is doing, ask her if she’s taken her lunch and so on. Even a simple Facebook wall post saying you miss her (no matter how cheesy it sounds) is enough to make her happy.
2. Learn to accept her for who she is
We all have our own tastes when it comes to the women we date. Personally, I cannot handle naggers, smokers, flirts and girls who have a certain degree of weirdness in them. What if she has a dark past? Say she was a former ecstasy addict, a lesbian or may heaven forbid: a former prostitute? Well that seems a bit exaggerated but it can happen. It’s up to you whether you can accept her for who she is and who she’s not. Your tolerance level to her negative traits is a measure of how long your relationship will last.
My advice: Before making that hot girl your girlfriend, control your crotch and make sure to get to know her well first. If you can accept her for who she is in the same way she accepts you for who you are, then that is the time to make her your girlfriend.
3. Quality time at least once per week
I understand that we can get busy with our own lives. I had my own fair share of overtimes, holidays at work, family and friends getaway, blogging activities and so on. Now with all those things going on with our lives, it’s easy to forget to ask your girlfriend out on a quality date. Sometimes you are just too exhausted that you would rather sleep all day at home than spend time with your girlfriend. But those are not valid reasons to not go out on a date at least once a week and by that “date”, I mean you and your girlfriend alone.
My advice: Although typically you would go out 2-3 times a week with your girlfriend, you two as a couple have to go out at least once a week in case you are truly busy. That’s the minimum. Any fewer than that frequency will cause ugly fights, cold relationships or just the bitter end – breakups.
4. Fighting is healthy
I used to have a girlfriend whom I never had a single fight with. I thought it was awesome but at the same time weird. I realized that the reason why we never had a fight is that we were both keeping to ourselves secretly what we do not like about each other. That was until that fateful day came when we just both exploded in angst and we had a HUGE fight. That single huge fight ended our relationship.
My advice: Openness is very important in any relationship. Telling your partner how you feel, what you like and what you do not like is needed in order to know each other better and to make the relationship last. It is also necessary to set some rules and guidelines between you and your girlfriend. Things as simple as what time you expect her to be home, what clothes she is forbidden to wear, how many bottles of beer she allows you to drink on a boys night out are all necessary so that you fulfill each other’s expectations.
5. Badmouthing is a big NO-NO!
This is related to number 4. Sometimes when we get into fights or quarrels with our girlfriends, we tend to vent those emotions to our beer buddies or other male colleagues in order to get some consolation and to ask for advice. We might even go overboard by badmouthing our own girlfriends – telling everyone how much of a bitch or slut she is and the list goes on. Worse, we might even tell our family (our parents or siblings) in advance that we have broken up with her and that we swear not to get back with her no matter what. Then suddenly, after a few days, you and your girlfriend resolve things and voila – you two are back in each other’s arms.
Now what will your beer buddies, colleagues and family think once you tell them that you have fixed things with your girlfriend and you two are back together? They will think that you are such an idiot! And the worst part of it is that your girlfriend already has a permanent mark in their minds that she is a bitch, a slut, or whatever-bad-adjective-you-used-to-badmouth-her-while-you-two-were-having-a-quarrel. A fugly situation isn’t it?
My advice: Whenever you and your girlfriend have a fight, please keep it between the two of you and resolve it on your own. Or if you just can’t and you find that you need to tell someone to preserve your own sanity, then open up to your most trusted male friend (probably a best friend) who understands you. NOTE: I said trusted male friend because most of the time, female friends cause much gossip you wouldn’t want.
Also, as much as possible, do not open up your girlfriend problems with your parents or siblings unless you are 100% sure that you no longer want to get back with her again. Parents and siblings have a tendency to remember everything you say about your girlfriend and they will naturally take your side (which on one hand is a good thing). On the other hand, the bad thing happens when you and your girlfriend get back together and subsequently get married. Well guess what? Your family will always remember her as someone who is not completely trustworthy for hurting you in the past. Not a very ideal scenario between your wife and her in-laws isn’t it?
So there you have it. These are the five things every guy ought to know when it comes to relationships. I have learned this the hard way through my own experiences and some from my peers. I hope you use these tips well to your advantage and if you can add to the list to help the other guys, please leave a comment below.
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